Month: June 2023

Or in the words of Brenda from Bristol, “Not another one?!”

Not the imminent fifth Indiana Jones film (which I’m rather looking forward to) I refer to what feels like about Partygate Seven, released on Friday with the subtitle Stropping Off.

Yes, our old friend Boris is back – or at least, back long enough to tell us he’s going. Prompted by the investigation into the ‘Did He/Didn’t He Mislead The House’ saga he has dramatically resigned as an MP.

It was quite a… well, whatever the word for the exact opposite of contrite is, it was quite a that word resignation letter. He labelled it a kangaroo court, he railed at the injustice of it being led by a Labour MP (ignoring the fact that the majority of the committee is Conservative) and he huffed & he puffed that there wasn’t “a shred of evidence.”

The report hasn’t come out yet, so it’s hard to entirely dismiss the last claim – but unless the Committee are planning to issue some wafer-thin pamphlet next week I suspect they may have at least some evidence. Either way, Boris has quit rather than waiting to suffer the full and terrible punishment of…

…Oh wait, no. It turns out the worst the committee can do is recommend he be suspended for 10 days. Which recommendation then has to be approved by the House of Commons, which can decide not to. And even if they agree, it then falls to the Constituency that Boris represents (er, represented) to decide if they want to call a By-Election. So that’s pretty tenuous – and that’s pretty much it!

In every other aspect of life, there are consequences and comebacks. Written or verbal warnings, fines for taking your children out of school during term time, removal of benefits, parking fines, bank charges… But in politics, apparently not.

It’s not just the ‘misconduct’ procedure either, it’s the whole system that lacks any apparent accountability. Take the last election and the promise to build forty new hospitals by 2030. We’ve long since established that this particular pledge was playing fast and loose with the words ‘build’ and ‘new’ – but regardless of that, 2030 was over ten years away. Most Prime Ministers don’t last a decade (although, granted, I’ve lived through two exceptions) so Boris was never going to be held accountable in 2030 if they’d only actually managed one small maternity unit. It simply never happens.

I appreciate that things can change – wars and pandemics aren’t easy to predict; but other excuses such as there wasn’t any suitable land, or the public finances couldn’t stretch to it, those should be assessed before making the promise in the first place. And for that matter, I can’t help thinking a decade seems an awfully long time. Unless you’re planning to hire just one firm of builders to painstakingly build them one at a time, then a lot of those projects would be happening in tandem. I mean blimey, my Dad and Grandparents would wallpaper a room overnight or in an afternoon, if you scale that up I reckon they could have knocked up at least one hospital by Christmas.

But no, there’s nothing, and somehow we’ve tacitly accepted that if a manifesto promise comes to nothing, that’s not a lie it’s just a fact of life. Just as we seem resigned (as it were) to the fact that whatever else they find out about Boris’s behaviour in office, it won’t make a scrap of difference. Adding insult to injury, the same day he flounced away his resignation honours were published. (‘Honour’ being another word he plays fast and loose with.)

There’s also nothing in the rules (if there even are any rules) to stop Boris standing again. Jacob Rees-Mogg (who is mentioned in the aforementioned honours, so I suppose we’ll soon have to get used to calling him Lord Snooty of Beano or somesuch) has already intimated that this could happen, warning other Tories not to block Boris if he does.

Dare I say, I think his lordship has accidentally given away the plot of the next instalment there.

The MP Strikes Back – ANOTHER bloody sequel!!

PS: Not that I’m the BBC, but in the interests of balance I feel I should also mention the official opposition. Because, despite all the ghastliness of the past and current Tory governments, I find myself looking across the house and thinking – Sir Keir Starmer?! Really Labour, really?!!

PPS: In as far as it may give some insight into my psyche I wrestled with that last line a long time because The Empire Strikes Back isn’t in any way ‘a film too many’ – in fact it’s one of those rare instances where the sequel is at least as good, and arguably better, than the original.

PPPS: I also toyed with Return of the Boris and Revenge of the (Taking The) Pith.